I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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