And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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