i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize