So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
