I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
