i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
