Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
