We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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