we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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