Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
