I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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