and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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