Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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