i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
