a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
