me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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