you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
