Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I supernannyed him into submission
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
