i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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