He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
