Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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