What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yo dont text me then not text me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
