We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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