She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
