Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
