I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
