How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
