Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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