I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
