He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
