whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
