i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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