I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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