I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
