I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He better not be in your backpack
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
