He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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