I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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