Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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