What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
