if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
