Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize