Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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