i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
