somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You work out of a Hotel?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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