It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize