I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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