someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
