8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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