I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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