I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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