It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
