I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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