What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
