I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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