So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
