im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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