I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize