so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
