For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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