its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
