I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
