If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
