Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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