I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
