my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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